Sometimes I wish I could just say 'No' without feeling bad about it. I can't even begin to count the number of times in which I've said 'Yes' to doing something, and then spend the whole time doing it and wishing I were someplace else. I guess I don't really have a mind of my own when it comes to things like that. There really isn't any good agreeing to something which I would rather not do, and then silently gripe about it to no one in particular. Maybe it's time I start voicing my own opinions. Yet I cannot shake off this indelible 'disease'. For as long as I've known, I have always been suckered into things I don't want to do. One guy came up to me in June, apparently conducting a survey. It was late, and I'd just returned from Malaysia and all I wanted to do was to go home. He asked for 15 minutes to talk to me about some financial planning thingamajig, and the whole time, reluctance and disinterest were written all over my face, yet I could not summon the courage to simply shake that annoying man off and continue on my journey without feeling bad about it. So I allowed him that 15 minutes, after which he told me to follow him to their station so he could pass me some brochures. Thinking I could simply take the brochures, toss it someplace, and be on my merry way, I went with him. Maybe it's gullible people like me who make surveyors' days. In the end, I had to sit for 2 hours and listen to a whole load of crap about financial planning and savings. I am such a wussy.Sometimes I think it all boils down to our obsession with what people think about us, which leads to this subconscious desire to please others at our own expense. It's not some noble Mother Teresa complex I'm talking about. It's more of a 'I-want-people-to-like-me' kind of complex. Egotistical and narcissistic. I wish it weren't true, but wishing for something doesn't disregard the fact that nearly everyone has this streak in them. That is why we don't walk around with garbage bags on our heads. I guess being obliging is one of the pitfalls. Which is why I didn't refuse to a fundraising in the middle of Jury preparations. However ridiculous it sounds, I could not flatly refuse to do it even though I still have a ton of work to do for the final Jury, which is a week away. I abhor the idea that we have to spend at least 2 hours traveling to and from school just to hold a flea market/car wash for 3 hours for 2 straight days. For crying out loud, Jury 3 is a week away. I'm not against the idea of raising funds for the Batam trip, but I wish things could be done more sensibly. Right now, people are worried that they may not even complete their preparations for Jury 3, why should they add on to their mounting frustrations with a fundraiser which requires time and effort to organise? It just doesn't make sense. Furthermore, Habitat of Humanity should be ashamed that they are not funding a single cent for the trip. That shows how willing (or not) they are to support the cause for which 20 of us will be championing. There, I've said it. At least it's a load of my back. Now I just have to grit my teeth and bear with the thought of not having enough time to complete my Jury 3 preparations.