Watching Hady win Singapore Idol on Monday night made me envious. Not that I wanted to be in his place, don't get me wrong. I can't sing to save my life. I was envious because Hady won more than just the title. He won the privilege to do something he loved, and for a living. How often we forget that passion has to be THE most important reason for us doing anything.
In today's society, everyone is so caught up in making money. We would do anything [well, nearly anything] for money. How much we earn become the forerunners of the life that we are to lead. Maybe it's the increasingly consumerist society we live in. More emphasis is placed on status. People seem to be of the opinion that having more money to buy bigger houses, bigger cars, more expensive paraphernalia, etc. would help elevate their status in this dog-eat-dog society. Unfortunately, this seems to be the case wherever we go.
In this age of consumerism, we often neglect the fact that we need to be in love with what we're doing. It isn't all about money. Loving whatever we're doing allows us to do it without the expectation of being paid for it. If paid, then it's a bonus. Yet society's emphasis on the paper chase discourages people from pursuing their own dreams [or maybe it's just me]. Being a degree-holder seems to be the bare minimum in order to survive in this world, which is getting smaller and increasingly competitive by the day. We often read about degree-holders not being able to secure jobs due to the overflow of people with the same [or better] credentials. People are afraid of pursuing their own interests due to uncertainty. They are afraid that their dreams may tank and they wouldn't have anything else to fall back upon. So they choose to do things which may not be what their interested in, yet would at least secure for them a job which would help support themselves as well as their families.
I'll admit I'm not exactly having the time of my life now. I chose to study Interior Design so that I'll at least get a job with some architectural firm when I graduate, plus the pay is pretty reasonable [money again]. I thought I could stick it out, but coming into this new semester with the lecturers from hell really changed my perspective. I've never thought about giving up so many times, yet this week as I was preparing for Jury Two, giving up was first and foremost on my mind. Then I thought about how much money had already been spent on school fees and school materials, and how my parents would be disappointed if I quit now, and grudgingly went back to doing my work. It's going to be a long one and a half more years before I graduate.
It's scary to think how I wake up every morning and drag myself off to school just to spend half the day doing something which I totally have no interest in whatsoever. I was probably disillusioned when I thought I wanted to be [or could be] an architect. What a waste of time and effort. That's why I'm not giving up just yet..not until I get my degree at least. Not because I like it, but because I don't really have a choice right now. If I could have the chance to pursue something I love, without any repercussions on my future, I would be a writer somewhere, or a computer games tester. Unfortunately, life was never meant to be that easy.
To me, loving something means doing it without being told to, and finding ways and means to improve ourselves not to have a good comment during a critique session, but because we want to and we would feel a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction at the same time. Take playing the bass. I derive satisfaction from playing it, no matter how lacking in skill I am, and I try to find ways to improve myself, to the extent of advertising online for a band to play with. I don't get paid, and it would probably take up alot of my time, yet I do it because I'm passionate about it. Like swimming. When I was in JC, no matter how tough training was, I looked forward to it because I loved it, and I would also constantly go training on my own, not because I have to but because I want to. Loving something means spending time on it no matter how much, and loving every minute of it.
Jury Two was a complete fiasco and I never expected to do well for it because I didn't really put in much effort. I'm not disappointed because I'm past caring about the outcome of it. I didn't really bother to defend my design, and all I did was utter a few sentences about my work and then try to look interested when the comments came flying. I guess I'm too tired to even bother about passing or failing. All I wanted to do was get it over and done with. I have another 5 more weeks left of school. Put it this way: I have 4 more weeks to save my skin in time for the final presentation on the 5th week. I guess I'll just have to stick this one out and commit myself for the next 4 weeks so that I can go on holiday without worrying about whether I can move on to the next semester. At the same time, maybe rejuvenate myself so that I can start the new semester next year on a clean slate. If one school semester was measured by the amount of time spent doing school assignments, then my school semester would only last 3 weeks. Max.