For once I wish I can go through life without being so wishy-washy about decisions. Maybe that's the price of being 21. Gone were the days where all I had to do was go to school 5 days a week, go for stipulated extra-curricular training twice a week, and the weekends were left for me to vegetate, go to church, etc. Now, I have to grapple with the fact that my schedule is left up to my own discretion. Of course school will always be school, but it's becoming increasingly difficult to keep up a 100% attendance, what with the 80% attendance limit and the ever-increasing work load. Waterpolo isn't part of the school's curriculum, which makes it harder and harder for me to commit to trainings since it isn't compulsory. Ok, it is compulsory, but not in the 'it's part of school curriculum and therefore I have to go' sense. I think you get what I mean. Bottom line:
I miss my life before this.
Sure everyone has to step out eventually, but why does it have to be so hard? Ok, the fact is, if I just go for training faithfully, then it solves everything. I don't have to make any decisions. I just go (like a brainless robot). Not being interested in the sport probably accounts for my absence 80% of the time. But presently, it's hard to find a sport that caters to people my age. Those that already do are usually the national teams, or some pro team. People my age, who haven't already been inscribed (to use the term loosely) into a national team, usually stop whatever trainings they have and get on with their lives. Which I should also do, apart from the fact that without any trainings of any sort, I think I won't be able to function normally. Or maybe it's a psychological thing. I know I'd definitely be happier if I don't have any trainings to fret about, but all along, I've wanted to go play in some major competition like The Commonwealth Games or The SEA Games, and being in the waterpolo team kind of makes that dream a reality. I know it's a ridiculous reason for clinging onto waterpolo even though I obviously do not enjoy the sport. I hate dilemmas. Phooey. It's kindda like...I can't bear to quit now because I still haven't got the chance to go to some major competitions. AARRGGHH!! I should just stop pondering about it. I'm just gonna keep hemming and hawing and beating around the bush. The poor bush.