Had timekeeping duties today for the club's swim meet. Kids nowadays are getting so fast. I mean, this girl, she's only 13 and she does like 29 seconds for 50m free. I'm not even close to that timing!! Ok, aside from spectacularly swift kids and some older ones who make the competition interesting, the day was pretty much alright. Haven't seen the people in club for a long long time. When I went into the official's room, the first thing that Eveleen said to me was"I only see you once a year". Which is quite true by the way. But I still managed to hang around with them and the uncles. Haha. I get along better with the old people than the young, which isn't saying much.
Spoke to Amanda after the meet while we were eating lunch:
Me: Are you the Amanda who used to learn swimming with me?
Amanda: Yah, I am.
Me: No wonder you look so familiar.
Amanda: You don't come down to club anymore right?
Me: Nope. It's quite far and anyway I don't swim anymore so I don't come down.
I DON'T SWIM ANYMORE??!! I actually said that! I can't believe I said that. That's like resigning myself to the fact that I've pretty much stopped swimming (well, apart from my polo training which is a different thing altogether). I mean, it just came out of my mouth which makes the feeling worse. The whole time on my journey home, I kept running over that particular sentence and felt this sense of emptiness. Like my life is pretty much meaningless without swimming training and competitions. I watched the swimmers compete today and I was like "Man! I'll never get to do that again!" which was sad, really. All my life I thought I could train hard and get into the Olympics and stuff, and spend my whole life either swimming or coaching but I realized that I will never get to do that.
I know of some people who detach themselves from the pool the moment they step out of school and stop competing and stuff, but I don't think I can do it. Maybe I've grown too attached to the pool. Maybe it's a passion. Some people think it's a waste of time since I don't have competitions I can compete in, but I think a passion is for life and to pursue that passion is what makes life meaningful.
What meaning is there in doing things just because we are obliged to? When you HAVE to do something, it makes the process more torturous than when you WANT to do it. Ok, this brings me down the journey to discovering the meaning of life all over again. In my opinion, life is short, and we only live once. All the more we have to live it to the fullest. What fulfillment is there if we're living according to the standards set by society and by people around us? Sometimes it isn't for any of us to decide, but that's why I believe that we all should also actively pursue our own passions so that it makes life a little easier, knowing that there is still a little fuel to keep us going. I think our ability to love something differentiates us from robots. Without this ability, we simply go about life doing things which are dictated for us, which doesn't make us any different from robots which have their tasks programmed for them.
But being too carefree will only lead to pain and suffering. How is that considered living life to the fullest? Some of you may ask. And that leads me to the part about how each one of us have to set principles to live by. I'm sure most, if not all of us, have at one point or another, set principles for ourselves. But sometimes, sticking rigidly to these prinicples will impeed our appreciation of life. I'm not asking you to compromise your integrity, but it will be torturing to go through life with these restrictions stamped onto them. Thus, we sometimes need to toe the line, or even cross it once in a while. But I believe our abilities to differentiate between what's right and wrong will keep us from ultimately straying too far away. Take bungee jumping for example. The cord represents our principles. Taking a step off the edge represents us crossing the line and taking risks. Once in the air and freefalling, it represents us being carefree and living with no regards to the rest of the world because there's no one else attached to us. But our principles will ultimately keep us from plunging to our 'deaths' and hence, I trust that many of us know when to pull back at the right time. It's only when we don't lay down principles for ourselves then we're in trouble.
Hence, live life to the fullest, but know when to pull back. Lay down principles for yourselves and set goals for youself to pursue. At least you'll have a greater chance of heading in the right direction.