Friday, August 27, 2004
30 Things to do During Finals
30 Things to do During Finals
1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say ``oh geez, better get cracking'' and do some gibberish work.
2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming ``Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!''
3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the surface integral symbol.
4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.
5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, ``I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking.'' Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
6. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, ``I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?''
7. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.
8. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
9. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say ``They've found me, I have to leave the country'' and run off.
10. Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out ``Merry Christmas.'' If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat the process every fifteen minutes.
11. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.
12. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up. For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.
13. Bring things to throw at the instructor when he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest you.
14. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
15. Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.
16. Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
17. Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting things (DCCAB, BABE, etc.)
18. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.
19. Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means that at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy.)
20. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him in a very derogatory tone, ``The light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!''
21. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling ``I'm here, the phantom of the opera'' until they drag you away.
22. Try to get people in the room to do the wave.
23. If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.
24. Come in wearing a full knight's outfit, complete with sword and shield.
25. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious. . . like history notes for a calculus exam. . . otherwise your're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment ``Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit.''
26. When you walk in, complain about the heat. Strip.
27. Do the exam on your laptop. Make sure the simulated keyboard noises are on.
28. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.
29. Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc. sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.
30. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.
--http://web.mit.edu/voodoo/www/is744/exam.html--
written at
|12:27 AM|
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(Read by Max McLean. Provided by The Listener's Audio Bible.)